Finding Common Ground

How well do you know your kids? Of course you know them. But do you know what they're "into"? Do you know what they and their friends think is cool? Do you know what's not? What music do they listen to? What are the names of their favorite bands? What television shows do they never miss? What online games do they spend way too much time playing? How do they personalize what belongs to them? What is their online screenname? What profile pic do they post to represent themselves? The answers to these questions at the very least can give you a glimpse into the world they live in - outside of the one you live in with them.

Parents and teachers alike need to be in touch with what influences are shaping the personalities of children. If  they are in middle school, these influences may change minute by minute and may be at the whim of popular culture more than any other age. Staying current and being in touch goes a long way to building relationships with kids in a way that they feel accepted and safe.

My 6th graders were really into Silly Bandz last year. Realizing that this age is always on the hunt for something to collect, I started buying them whenever they were on sale. At Christmas and at the school I surprised them each with a couple of these colorful shapes to snake their wrists. Prior to this gifting, I wore a Silly Bandz to school. Once noticed, word spread that Mrs. Caruana wears Silly Bandz! I couldn't have been cooler to them at that point.

What this did was provide common ground. They knew I paid attention to what mattered to them (as "silly" as it seems). That attention made it safe for them to be themselves, knowing they'd be accepted. This is HUGE for kids of any age.

And it doesn't end there. My own children are 19 and 21 years old and in college. They think zombies are the coolest things. They play video games with zombies in them, watch movies with zombies in them, and read books like "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" or "The Zombie Survival Guide." They play "Humans vs. Zombies" on their college campuses (a zombie game of tag on a huge scale). So it didn't hurt that I posted pictures of myself and their dad dressed as zombies from a Halloween years ago when I was pregnant! How many other parents can document that? Find ways to connect with kids on their level, with their interests and you will find common ground - but hopefully not zombies!

"Do You Believe in Me?"

I will share this with as many people who are willing to watch it. It is so hard to stay focused on the "main thing" as teachers, and as parents. It is not about us! As you look toward the beginning of a new school year, remember how important your relationships are to the children in your charge. What you believe to be true - IS. Perception is reality. What do you believe?

Transition - a Word I Know, but Have Yet to Learn How to Do

I actually like change. Yet I am never comfortable with the transition that precedes it. There are so many examples of transition that I could reference to illustrate my frustration.

Like learning how to drive a stick shift. That moment of physical transition when you put in the clutch and shift, hoping you won't stall, is uncomfortable to me - sort of like being in limbo.

Okay, then there's actual limbo - the waiting room of heaven - no, this is not a literal place, nor is it doctrine, nor is it biblical. But we all know what it is. Nothing really bad happens during transition - it just feels a little uncomfortable. These are the moments of lull where you might change your mind about what you thought you were going to do.

Like when I was having my babies - that moment when you say, "Well, yeah, I've decided I don't want to do this today after all!" The doctor said that meant I was entering transition.

There's twilight - a place between dusk and dark. It's difficult to see well during twilight (and NO this is a not a reference to a certain young adult book series). You might mistake one thing for another - like a bunny for a python.

Right now I am in transition. I choose to put myself in this place more often than I probably should. After all, I'm the one making the changes, making a new decision, or entering unfamiliar territory. I realized, however, that everyone is in a state of transition - we are all becoming. Sometimes we have control over this, others it is involuntary - something we just have to go through. Either way, I think I might be better able to go through my own transitions if I focus on someone or something else. The more I think about how uncomfortable things are, the more uncomfortable they become. Like learning to drive a stick shift . . .

School is about to start and our kids are in transition. I think of the sixth graders I taught last year who will soon by 7th graders - whom we lovingly call the stepchildren of education - not quite sure who they are or where they belong - they are in transition. They need some TLC, some understanding, and a lot of attention. When you are in transition the worst thing that could happen is to find yourself alone.

Even if you are the one struggling through twilight right now, there's probably someone else in your life you may not have noticed who is even more uncomfortable. Can you be there next to them and put your hand on theirs and show them when to shift into first?

It makes transition go by that much easier when you have a hand to hold onto.

The Knowable YOU

Below is an excerpt from my newly released book "Life Saver: The Ultimate Devotional Handbook for Teens" that I co-authored with Todd Hafer, Vicki Kuyper, and Michael J. Klassen.   

A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 73:23

Sandra loved going to her neighborhood coffee shop before school. It was the one place where everyone knew her name. The baristas started making her quad skinny caramel espresso before she even crossed the threshold. They smiled and asked her whether her chemistry teacher was still a pain. They kept track of how many days until summer. Sandra wished she could feel as visible in her school as she did in this coffee shop.

As high schools go, Lakeview High was large, boasting more than 2,000 students. The school tried to make it easier for students to adjust to a large school by offering dozens of clubs, but for many it still felt like an impersonal sea of bodies moving from class to class. Sandra walked those halls believing she was a ghost - unseen and unknown. She would often catch a glimpse of other "spirits" across the courtyard or in a corner of the library. They felt the same way she did, but no one wanted to acknowledge it. They felt alone in the midst of thousands.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be at your best friend's party and still feel completely alone. You may think no one notices you. The truth is that the God of the universe, the Maker of heaven and earth, notices. In fact, He knows you by name. He is always there, sight unseen, in your midst. He's waiting for you to notice Him from across the crowded room. Who do you think led Sandra to that coffee shop?

This book is full of relevant devotional stories accompanied by calls to action, encouragement and prayer. A great resource for any youth group or church.